I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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