My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
