he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
