It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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