oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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