I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
