every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
