Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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