I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
