mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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