I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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