my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
