I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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