to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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