im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have pet lesbian snakes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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