Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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