i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
