I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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