I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
