I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
