and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
