I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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