Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
