DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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