I'm going to jail i love you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
