You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
