God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
