She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
