Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
