I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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