Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
