I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
