I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
