then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
