Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
