omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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