It's Friday. Sex?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
