I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
