By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
