i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
