I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
is that a dick in a sweater?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
