what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
