She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
