So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
