I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
