this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
