Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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