apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
