never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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