Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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