He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
