Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
