I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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